108 Waiter Waiter Jokes to Dish Out While Waiting on Your Next Meal

Waiter: Why didn't you make all the food on that long order?
Cook: Because I'm a short order cook.

Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks. Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat. The waiter became quite concerned and marched over and told them, "You can't eat your own sandwiches in here!" The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup?
It's fly soup sir!

Diner: May I please have a glass of water?
Waiter: Why, are you thirsty?
Diner: No, I want to see if my neck leaks.

Waiter, I can't seem to find any oysters in this oyster soup.
Would you expect to find angels in angel cake?

Waiter, there is a fly in my soup!
I know, but unfortunately we are out of turtle.

CUSTOMER: How do you make a pig float?
WAITER: Just give him an inner tube.

Patron: This bread is stale.
Waiter: It wasn't last week.

Diner: Could I have a glass of water?
Waiter: To drink?
Diner: No, I want to rinse out a few things.

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
What do you expect for $1 - a live one?

Waiter, what's this bug doing waltzing around my table !
It's the band, sir, they are playing his tune !

Waiter, what is this stuff?
That's bean salad sir.
I know what it's been, but what is it now?

Customer: Waiter, there's a button in my salad.
Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing.

Waiter, there is a worm on my plate !
That's not a worm sir, it's your sausage ?

Waiter, waiter! There's a mosquito in my soup.
Don't worry sir, mosquitoes have very small appetites !

"Waiter, waiter,there's a hand in my soup."
"That's not your soup, sir, that's your finger bowl."

Waiter, Waiter there's a fly in my ice-cream !
Gee I did not know that they had started winter sports so early in the year !

Waiter, is there soup on the menu ?
No, madam I wiped it off !

Customer: That crust on the apple pie was too tough.
Waiter: That wasn't the crust, that was the pie plate.

Waiter, waiter, do you have frog's legs?
Certainly, Sir!
Well hop over here and get me a sandwich!

Waiter, there's a dead fly in my soup!
Yes sir, it's the hot water that kills them.

Waiter, my lunch is talking to me !
Well you did ask for a tongue sandwich !

Patron: Waiter, why is there a spider in my glass?
Waiter: It scares away the flies.

Waiter, there is a spider drowning in my soup !
It hardly looks deep enough to drown in sir !

Q: How many Waiters does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, even a burned out bulb can't catch a waiters eye

Customer: What is this fly doing in my alphabet soup?
Waiter: Probably learning to read.

A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb over the meat.
"Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "with your hand on my steak?"
"What" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again?"

Diner: Why are the waiters in here so nasty?
Waiter: Look at who they have to serve.

Why do waiters prefer elephants to flies?
Have you ever heard anyone complaining of a elephant in their soup? .

Diner: Waitress, the portions are getting smaller.
Waiter: It's just an optical illusion. It's just that the restaurant has been enlarged.